Fighting Resistance From Seniors

from caregiving.com

Uprooting an elderly loved one and moving them into your home is difficult enough, but add to that the resistance you may receive, and the caregiving becomes an all-encompassing activity. Your loved one’s natural tendency is to resist care and assistance, if only because they do not want to think of themselves as “old.” Often caregivers will become easily angered and irritated at the thought of a loved one refusing care and this conflict can be very damaging to the entire caregiver-care recipient experience. Understanding the stress and loss of independence your relative faces when they give up their home is the first step in easing the tense situation. Here are a few other ideas that may be helpful if you are experiencing any resistance in your daily caregiving.

• Allow the loved one to have a part in the decision making process surrounding their care and well-being. Do not let them feel they have no part in their future, and allow them the chance to voice their view about they care they would like to receive.

• The senior may want to start a fight or bring up past actions that occurred, but remain focused on the matter of their care, and do not take part and say anything you may regret later.

• Remember to think of your own needs, and set limits in the amount of work your willing to take on. Perhaps you provide the in-home care for them, but are unwilling to bathe them, yet your loved one refuses to allow a home-care aide to assist you. Explaining your feelings to your relative and being honest with what your willing to help with can allow you the control of the situation.

• Be willing to work with the senior in order to find some kind of agreement. Whether they refuse full-time care and you disagree entirely, consider alternatives such as a weekly visit from a health aide and Meals on Wheels service that may ease tension and be agreed upon by both of you.

• Realize that they are more than likely not going to be happy about the situation, and focus on maintaining the quality of care. They may not look forward to having someone bathe them and cook for them, but you can see a difference in their care and let the senior in time grow accustom to the change.

• Do not make the situation entirely about them, instead allow them to see it through your eyes to get an idea the work you put forth. Tell them the stress and workload you face and their understanding and willingness to resist you in the future may be lessened. They will look at it as an opportunity to help you in the process of them receiving the aid.

• Work up to changing your loved one’s life and do not suddenly start changing everything they have grown accustomed to over the years. Alert them to any fears you may have, prepare them for any changes, and be as calm and positive as possible to reassure them it is for the best.
  · Plan ahead in case of a sudden decline in health or hospitalization, because it is at these moments where you may face little resistance and can alter their daily care in the manner you see appropriate.

Managing Alzheimer’s Disease From A Distance

by Paula Spencer, caring.com

Long-distance help for someone with Alzheimer’s

Whether you live across the country or across town, if you’re not the one primarily responsible for the care of someone with Alzheimer’s or some other form of dementia, it’s easy to feel helpless or be unsure how to help. Here are some productive ideas.

Lend a supportive ear

It’s simple but critical: offer emotional support to the person’s primary caregiver. Caregiver stress is a constant threat. Acknowledge to him that it’s a very real problem and address the issue before it morphs into burnout. Especially when the caregiver is the patient’s spouse or another family member, check in regularly to see how he’s feeling and to ask how you can help.

Checking in if it’s a professional caregiver can likewise boost morale and help avoid a disruptive staff turnover. Listen attentively to the primary caregiver’s concerns. Look for areas where you can provide practical help (such as locating a support group or relief care for him), and try not to be overly critical when evaluating the care he’s providing. Remember to thank him.

Connect with the patient

Someone suffering from Alzheimer’s may not always remember that you just called or visited, but your doing so anyway makes her happy in the moment and eases stress — important to her overall well-being. Be aware that phone calls may become uncomfortable for the person, because memory loss interferes with her ability to follow conversations and she can’t benefit from facial cues and other body language. Even if the person is your parent or a family member, introduce yourself clearly and avoid asking questions that might seem like memory tests: “What did you do last weekend?” It’s better to give an update of what you’ve been up to. Ask easy yes-no questions: “Do you like your new easy chair?”

• Write letters and send cards, even if these have never been your preferred modes of communication. She’ll likely find it easier to follow what you’re talking about if she can review something on paper at her leisure.
• Another good way to say hello is to send photos with labels on the back that identify everyone in the picture. In addition to pictures of family members, send images of your home, your new dog, a re-covered sofa, a vacation, and other experiences that tell about your life.

Don’t leave all the medical know-how to others

Even if you’re not providing hands-on care, if you understand the key issues in Alzheimer’s disease and its care, you can keep better track of what’s going on. One of the biggest complaints of caregivers is that relatives and friends living far away have no idea how much work is involved in caring for someone with Alzheimer’s, nor do they realize how many different issues there are to manage. Learn the basics about the disease’s progression and manifestations.

Provide help

• Lend the primary caregiver an active hand, perhaps preparing a meal or tackling a cleaning chore. Observing and participating in the person’s care will also help you identify other areas where you may be able to help, like replacing a small appliance that’s not working properly or sending flowers on a monthly basis because she enjoys them so much.
• Plan your visit with the purpose of giving the primary caregiver some respite, if you can. Day-to-day caregiving can be time-consuming and exhausting. Caregivers need an occasional break. If you’re uncomfortable doing this, start with short outings or day trips so you can learn the ropes, and work up to weekends or longer stints.
• Don’t forget to build in leisure time for you to spend time with the person. Join her in relaxing activities such as looking through photo albums or participating in activities that she enjoys. Stick as much to her regular routine as possible, however, so as not to agitate or confuse her. Depending on her condition, dinner at home may be less stressful than taking her out to a fancy restaurant, for example.

Be the techie

If nobody directly involved in the person’s care has the inclination, ability, or time to research assistive technology, volunteer to do this. Software can provide computerized or voice-activated medication and appointment reminders, for example. Assistive devices and sensorscan locate lost objects and detect overheated rooms, floods, carbon monoxide, wandering, or falls. Ask your local Alzheimer’s Association branch or a geriatric care manager for suggestions appropriate to this particular situation.

Provide financial help

Alzheimer’s care — including medications, home healthcare visits, adult daycare, and medical checkups — is expensive. Insurance and Medicare leave many things without coverage. Offering financial assistance is one of the most common ways physically distant children or other relatives and friends can help. You could contribute a set amount on a regular basis, for use as needs arise (“unrestricted funds”).

Or, depending on your budget, arrange to be billed directly for a particular aspect of care, such as home-healthcare visits or a professional service that makes the person’s life easier — housecleaning, meal delivery, prescription delivery, or lawn maintenance. If the patient doesn’t use such services now, look into initiating them. When you need to locate a particular service, check the Yellow Pages for her area.

In lieu of cash, one way to help financially is to work with the primary caregiver to figure out whether any of the patient’s long-term care expenses qualify as tax deductions or credits (for either the patient or the caregiver). You could also offer to help with taxes or arrange direct deposits for bill-paying. With so many responsibilities and tasks to take care of day to day, the caregiver may not have time to do these things herself.

Stay in the loop

If the person with Alzheimer’s is a parent or other close relative, or a close friend, it’s a good idea to keep a copy of her medical care and history, if she’ll give legal approval. You should also have a list of the physicians and other healthcare professionals who care for her. This information keeps you up-to-date for times when you or family members need to make decisions with each other, or when you need to provide backup care in case the primary caregiver unexpectedly can’t do the job.

Join a local Alzheimer’s group

Some people find it helpful to learn from the experiences of others at a local Alzheimer’s support group, even though they themselves live at a distance from the patient. Hearing from caregivers, family members, and friends caring for someone with Alzheimer’s can give you new perspectives on this person’s situation. While the disease affects everyone differently, commonalities exist, and you can learn helpful coping strategies and ways to provide support.

What Getting Mad at Your Loved One Says About YOU

Paula Spencer, caring.com

 

No, it’s not all sweetness and light taking care of an aging loved one. They can make us mad. Very mad. Very, very, very mad.

Take, for example, some things I’ve heard caregivers say (or, uh, said myself…though I won’t say which ones!):

• “I try to do something nice for her and she ignores it, or complains!”
• “She makes me so mad because she doesn’t trust me!”
• “I could throttle him when he launches into that same story again….”
• “How can I help but lose my temper with my mom when she ticks off the aides I’ve so carefully hired?”
• “Why why WHY does he keep doing that? He should know better!”
• Fill in your own blank!

What follows when our loved ones make us angry is often worse than pure anger: It’s anger mingled with guilt. We feel guilty because often the person can’t help being the way he or she is (dementia, depression, difficult illness). We feel guilty when we keep the upset feelings bottled up and simmering inside. We feel guilty when we snap and say something rude or sharp to the person. We can’t win.

So here’s one guilt-soothing thing to remember about caregiver anger: It reveals something very important about you.

No, not that you’re short-tempered or foul-natured. Not that you lack self control. Not that you’re uncaring or mean. Not that you’re even doing anything terribly wrong, really.

Getting mad at your loved one when you’re a caregiver reveals this about you: You’re human.

You’re only human.

So stop beating yourself up for what are, let’s face it, often perfectly natural responses to extreme stress. Do work on reducing the causes of that stress. But don’t add to your misery with a needless layer of guilt.

If you neverevereverever get mad, hats off; you’re human, too, though with a much longer fuse than the rest of us. But if you’re like the rest of us, you’ve gotten mad before, and you’ll be mad again.

And it’s okay. Because it’s normal

Caregiver Burnout

Dr. M. Ross Seligson

Being able to cope with the strains and stresses of being a Caregiver is part of the art of Caregiving In order to remain healthy so that we can continue to be Caregivers, we must be able to see our own limitations and learn to care for ourselves as well as others.

It is important for all of us to make the effort to recognize the signs of burnout, In order to do this we must be honest and willing to hear feedback from those around us. This is especially important for those caring for family or friends. Too often Caregivers who are not closely associated with the healthcare profession get overlooked and lost in the commotion of medical emergencies and procedures. Otherwise close friends begin to grow distant, and eventually the Caregiver is alone without a support structure. We must allow those who do care for us, who are interested enough to say something, to tell us about our behavior, a noticed decrease in energy or mood changes.

Burnout isn’t like a cold. You don’t always notice it when you are in its clutches. Very much like Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, the symptoms of burnout can begin surfacing months after a traumatic episode. The following are symptoms we might notice in ourselves, or others might say they see in us. Think about what is being said, and consider the possibility of burnout.

• Feelings of depression.

• A sense of ongoing and constant fatigue.

• Decreasing interest in work.

• Decrease in work production.

• Withdrawal from social contacts.

• Increase in use of stimulants and alcohol.

• Increasing fear of death.

• Change in eating patterns.

• Feelings of helplessness.

Strategies to ward off or cope with burnout are important. To counteract burnout, the following specific strategies are recommended

• Participate in a support network.

• Consult with professionals to explore burnout issues.

• Attend a support group to receive feedback and coping strategies.

• Vary the focus of caregiving responsibilities if possible (rotate responsibilities with family members).

• Exercise daily and maintain a healthy diet.

• Establish “quiet time” for meditation.

• Get a weekly massage

• Stay involved in hobbies.

By acknowledging the reality that being a Caregiver is filled with stress and anxiety, and understanding the potential for burnout, Caregivers can be forewarned and guard against this debilitating condition. As much as it is said, it can still not be said too often, the best way to be an effective Caregiver is to take care of yourself.

 

Holiday Blues May Signal Depression

The holidays can be a particularly difficult time for people suffering from depression.

Experts from Gottlieb Memorial Hospital, part of the Loyola University Health System, said they are bracing for an increase in self-destructive behavior. They noted however, there are ways to recognize when a person is depressed and intervene before they end up in the emergency room.

“For those who have no support system, no friends, family, loved ones or even co-workers, the holidays can prove very deadly,” Dr. Mark DeSilva, medical director of the emergency department at Gottlieb Memorial Hospital, said in a hospital news release. “Everywhere, there are signs of gatherings, gift exchanges, happiness and love. If you are not experiencing what the rest of the world is enjoying, it is very bitter.”

Although the holidays can bring out desperate acts in unstable people, he pointed out that there are usually a number of warning signs leading up to this behavior. DeSilva offered the following tips to help identify these red flags:

• Being antisocial. ”Most people are busy going to social gatherings, shopping, attending events and connecting with friends,” DeSilva said. “Look for those who shun social interaction or who consistently do not attend events that they say they will.”
• Being angry.“The person expresses sarcasm, unhappiness or criticism of others’ joy in the season and is consistently pessimistic,” DeSilva said.
• Abusing drugs or alcohol. ”Beer or cocktails, readily available throughout the holidays, or illegal drugs, are overindulged to numb the pain the individual is feeling and offer an escape from reality,” DeSilva explained.
• Missing work or other events. “Facing others who are happy and bright is often too difficult for those feeling the holiday blues,” DeSilva said. “They may be consistently absent or very late to work or no-shows at anticipated social engagements.”
• Excessive sleepiness. ”Depression often takes the guise of extreme fatigue or tiredness. The body shuts down to form an escape from the everyday world,” DeSilva cautioned.

Anyone who recognizes these behaviors in a friend or acquaintance should reach out to that person right away, particularly if they’ve been hit hard by the economic downturn.

“By recognizing when a person is in trouble, and speaking out, you may not only save them a trip to the [emergency department], but also save a life,” DeSilva concluded.

 

HealthDay News

8 Clues Your Aging Parent Isn’t OK

~Paula Spencer

While you’re spreading cheer this season, be a bit of a double agent, also sniffing out the following eight potential signs of trouble. You’re not being nosy; you’re being proactive and smart.

1. GIVE A HUG

Look for:

• Obvious weight loss. Anything from depression to cancer to difficulty shopping and cooking can be behind a noticeable loss of weight.
• Increased frailty. If you can notice something “different” about a person’s strength and stature just in a hug, it’s noteworthy. Pay close attention to how your loved one walks (shuffles more?) and moves (rises easily from a chair? has trouble with balance?), comparing these benchmarks to the last time you were together.
• Obvious weight gain. Injury, diabetes and dementia (because the person doesn’t remember eating and has meals over and over) might be the cause. So can money troubles that lead to fewer fresh foods, more dried pasta and bread.
• Strange body odor. Sad to say, changes in personal grooming habits because of memory trouble or physical ailments might be noticeable on very close inspection. Look, too, for changes in makeup, hair, or the ability to wear clean clothes

2. RIFFLE THROUGH THE MAIL

Look for:

• Unopened personal mail. Everybody leaves junk mail alone, but few of us can ignore a good old-fashioned, hand-addressed letter.
• Unopened bills. This can be a sign that your loved one is having difficulty managing finances — one of the most common first signs of dementia.
• Letters from banks, creditors, or insurers. They may be routine business. But it’s alarming if they’re referring to overdue payments, overdrawn balances, recent accidents, or other worrisome events.
• Thank-you messages from charities. Older adults are often vulnerable to scammers, and even those who have always been fiscally prudent are vulnerable if they’re having trouble with thinking skills (a common sign of Alzheimer’s disease). Some charities hit up givers over and over, and your loved one may not remember having donating the first time.

3.   TAKE A DRIVE–WITH MOM OR DAD BEHIND THE WHEEL

Look for:

• Nicks or dents as you enter and exit the car. These can be signs of careless driving.
• Whether your loved one fastens his or her seatbelt. Rote basics are usually, but not always, remembered by someone with mild dementia.
• Signs of tension, preoccupation, or being easily distracted. Is your loved one no longer willing to drive at night? Or on highways? Is it hard for him or her to talk to you or listen to the radio and also pay close attention to the road?
• Signs of impaired driving. Tailgating, slow reaction time, going consistently below speed limit, confusing gas and brake pedals are signs to watch for. See 8 more ways to assess someone’s driving.
• Dashboard warning lights. Does the car have sufficient oil, gas, antifreeze, windshield-wiper fluid?

4. INSPECT THE KITCHEN–FRIDGE TO COUNTER TO CUPBOARDS

Look for:

• Perishables past their expiration dates. Your loved one might be buying more than he or she needs, as we all do — but you want to be sure there’s a reasonable ability to ditch the old stuff (rather than use it).
• Multiples of the same item. Ten bottles of ketchup or a dozen different vinegars might indicate he or she can’t remember from one shopping trip to the next what’s in the cupboards at home.
• Appliances that are broken and haven’t been repaired. Check the microwave, coffeemaker, toaster, washer, and dryer — any device you know your parent used to use routinely.
• Signs of past fire. Look for charred stove knobs or pot bottoms, potholders with burned edges, a discharged fire extinguisher, smoke detectors that have been disassembled. Accidents happen — but accidental fires are a common home danger for older adults.
• Increased takeout or simpler cooking. If someone who used to cook a lot no longer does or has downshifted to extremely simple recipes, the explanation could be a change in physical or mental ability.

The Caregiver’s Balancing Act

By: Kristine Dwyer

In the 1960s, TV celebrity Ed Sullivan featured a Chinese talent artist who demonstrated the careful balance and timing of spinning porcelain plates atop thin, wooden sticks. The key was to start spinning a stack of plates one at a time and then dash from plate to plate keeping each one in motion to prevent them from crashing to the floor. Viewers watched in amazement as plates slowed their pace and began to wobble precariously, yet miraculously the man was able to reach each plate at the last second just before it tipped. The artist then ended the performance by quickly gathering up each teetering plate into a neat pile without a single disaster.

Caregiving today can often be compared to this entertaining yet realistic experience. Balancing the multiple roles and responsibilities of our lives is a constant challenge. Each plate may represent a different part of our lives as we work tirelessly to maintain motion and balance. They can symbolize personal needs, marriage, family, career, friendships, health issues, finances, social and physical activities. These are the “plates” of everyday life that one can expect to spin. Then when one becomes a caregiver, several more plates are added such as personal and medical care, transportation, supervision of safety needs, emotional support, companionship, financial oversight and decision-making for the well being of a loved one. Add in the weight of a few unexpected events such as sudden illness, job loss, or a divorce and it can be very difficult to keep all of the plates spinning in unison without a calamity.

Although we want to avoid losing our momentum, a sudden crash of a plate or an unexpected personal emergency can be a time of awakening. It can also be a call to reprioritize as we evaluate the results of a fallen plate. One may ask, “Should I keep spinning these plates alone or ask for help?” “Should I remove a plate before it falls, or perhaps set one or two aside to focus on fewer plates for awhile?” Keeping an eye on our spinning plates is important to assess our capabilities and the challenges we are facing. If we live in a continuous scramble between the plates, we may lose our focus on what is truly important and jeopardize our own health and safety, not to mention the well being of those we care about.

Caregiving for a loved one may last for months or many years. In addition, the number of plates may change or be replaced as life unfolds and we strive for a healthy balance. Whether you decide to keep all of the plates spinning at once or set a few aside, caregiving support can be received in many ways: attend a support group or personal counseling sessions to gain a perspective of the caregiving situation, build a support network to include family, friends, medical personnel, clergy and a social worker/care manager, accept assistance with personal care needs from family members and friends to lighten the load, hire private help even a few hours a week for household and chore services, accept respite care opportunities to allow a break from caregiving and find ways to renew one’s own body, mind and spirit.

We may not all be as talented as the Chinese balance artist, but we can use our own inner resources and the help from others to attain steadiness in our lives. Providing care to someone in need may be one of the most important roles one will ever fill in a lifetime, yet it does not have to be done alone. The first step is to recognize that we are spinning too many plates or that the plates are teetering out of control. The second step is to ask for help. This is a sign of strength, not weakness, and is the surest way to keep all of the facets of our lives in careful balance.

Fighting Resistance From Seniors

By Peter Ganther

Uprooting an elderly loved one and moving them into your home is difficult enough, but add to that the resistance you may receive, and the caregiving becomes an all-encompassing activity. Your loved one’s natural tendency is to resist care and assistance, if only because they do not want to think of themselves as “old.” Often caregivers will become easily angered and irritated at the thought of a loved one refusing care and this conflict can be very damaging to the entire caregiver-care recipient experience. Understanding the stress and loss of independence your relative faces when they give up their home is the first step in easing the tense situation. Here are a few other ideas that may be helpful if you are experiencing any resistance in your daily caregiving.

• Allow the loved one to have a part in the decision making process surrounding their care and well-being. Do not let them feel they have no part in their future, and allow them the chance to voice their view about they care they would like to receive.

• The senior may want to start a fight or bring up past actions that occurred, but remain focused on the matter of their care, and do not take part and say anything you may regret later.

• Remember to think of your own needs, and set limits in the amount of work your willing to take on. Perhaps you provide the in-home care for them, but are unwilling to bathe them, yet your loved one refuses to allow a home-care aide to assist you. Explaining your feelings to your relative and being honest with what your willing to help with can allow you the control of the situation.

• Be willing to work with the senior in order to find some kind of agreement. Whether they refuse full-time care and you disagree entirely, consider alternatives such as a weekly visit from a health aide and Meals on Wheels service that may ease tension and be agreed upon by both of you.

• Realize that they are more than likely not going to be happy about the situation, and focus on maintaining the quality of care. They may not look forward to having someone bathe them and cook for them, but you can see a difference in their care and let the senior in time grow accustom to the change.

• Do not make the situation entirely about them, instead allow them to see it through your eyes to get an idea the work you put forth. Tell them the stress and workload you face and their understanding and willingness to resist you in the future may be lessened. They will look at it as an opportunity to help you in the process of them receiving the aid.

• Work up to changing your loved one’s life and do not suddenly start changing everything they have grown accustomed to over the years. Alert them to any fears you may have, prepare them for any changes, and be as calm and positive as possible to reassure them it is for the best.
  · Plan ahead in case of a sudden decline in health or hospitalization, because it is at these moments where you may face little resistance and can alter their daily care in the manner you see appropriate.

When Should An Older Adult Stop Driving?

When to stop driving:

1. Feeling less comfortable and more nervous or fearful while driving.
2. Difficulty staying in the lane of travel.
3. More frequent close calls.
4. More frequent dents, bumps with other cares or fences, mailbose4s, garage doors, curbs, etc.
5. Trouble judging gaps in traffic at intersections and on highway entrance/exit ramps.
6. Other drivers honking at you more often; more instances when you are angry at other drivers.
7. Friends or relatives not wanting to ride with you.
8. Getting lost more often.
9. Difficulty seeing the sides of the road when looking straight ahead (ie cars of people seem to come out of nowhere more frequently.
10. Trouble paying attention to or violating signals, road signs and pavement markings.
11. Slower response to unexpected situations; trouble moving your foot from gas to brake pedal or confusing the two pedals.
12. Easily distracted or har4d to concentrate while driving.
13. Hard to turn around to check over shoulder while backing up or changing lanes.
14. Medical condition or medications that may be increasingly affecting your ability to handle the care safely.
15. More traffic tickets or warnings by traffic or law enforcement officers in the last year or two.

If you notice one or more of these warning signs you may want to have your driving assessed by a professional .  Raleigh Geriatric Care Management has partnered with Beyond Driving With Dignity to assist with an enhanced driving self assessment program.  For more information, contact, Raleigh Geriatric Care Management: lwatral@rgcmgmt.com or Keeping Us Safe: info@keepingussafe.org. From the NC Dept. of Crime Control and Public safety.

10 Ways Caring for Parents is Different than Caring for Children

Marlo Sollitto, Agingcare.com

Nearly 10 million boomers are now raising kids while at the same time, caring for at least one aging parent, according to the Pew Research Center reports. The term “Sandwich Generation” is used to describe this demographic – and lots has been written on it.But what is not as frequently discussed, is that the strategies and techniques that are effective when caring for parents are very different from those that work well with children.

Here are 10 ways that caring for parents differs from caring for children:

1. Emotions Emotions come into play in both caregiving scenarios, but the emotions are often different. Whereas raising a child is filled with moments of joy and satisfaction, caring for your parents is often accompanied by feelings of sadness and even denial. “You grew up being taken care of by your parents. Now, you’re taking care of them. People tend to underestimate how emotional that role reversal can be,” says Andrea Cohen, CEO of HouseWorks home care. “It brings up emotions that people didn’t think about; that they’re not prepared for.” The key is to talk about how you’re feeling with family and friends, or with a qualified therapist.

2. Logistics Children live with you from the moment they leave the hospital, usually until they go away to college. But with aging parents, the logistics are clearly different. There may be a move involved. Or, the caregiver must think through how they will coordinate care for a family member who lives out of town, or even state. There are many different living options to consider, and so many issues that arise. For instance, most elderly do not want to leave their home, even if living there unassisted is no longer safe. The caregiver may not be aware of what’s really going on, because it’s typical for elderly to mask problems or symptoms, for fear of being forced to leave their home.

3. Intellect “Debating a child is a far cry from debating your parent,” Cohen says. “It’s hard to argue with a parent who you’ve been parented by all your life.” Cohen has several recommendations if your parent is “fighting you tooth and nail.” One solution is to work with a geriatric care manager, who can assess the situation and make recommendations. Often, parents will listen to an objective third parent before they listen to their child – even though you have their best interests in mind. For the same reason, asking your parent’s doctor to speak with them can be helpful. Another technique Cohen recommends: Having a conversation with your parents early on – in their 60s, versus in their 70s or 80s.

How Elderly Parents and Children Are Different

4. Aging Process Children are actually more predictable than the elderly, Cohen says. “You know at 1 year, they walk, at 2, they talk. But with parents, their health can change on a dime. Suddenly, the adult child is thrown into this world of caregiving that they don’t know anything about, and it’s scary.

5. Financial Caring for an elderly parent can be an unexpected expense. Some seniors planned ahead with long-term care insurance and such – and of course Medicare helps – but still too often, families are strapped with an unplanned financial strain. After all, it’s hard to save for your parent’s care when you’re also saving for the kids’ college. The good news is the financial world is coming up with solutions: Long-term care insurance, life settlements, guaranteed retirement incomes.

6. Siblings Although they typically don’t have much of a say in raising your children, siblings’ votes do count when it comes to caring for parents. The situation is further complicated if some siblings live close to mom or dad, and others are out town. Resentment builds quickly when one sibling feels she is doing everything.  Coordinating care among siblings is a difficult, but necessary task. This situation is one in with a third party can help: clinical social workers, geriatric care managers, and so on help the family coordinate care, and keep everyone informed.

 

7. Authority Our whole lives, our parents have told us what to do – and most of the time, we listened. But in an elder care scenario, it’s the child who is trying to tell the parent what to do, and can create unease and tension. But keep in mind, there may come a time when the child must speak legally and financially for the parent, so have power of attorney and other legal documents in place long before they are needed.

8. Complexities When caring for an elderly parent, a whole new host of concerns and issues come into play: drug interactions, dementia, financial responsibility, and the list goes on. If the parent goes into an assisted living facility, adult children must be responsible for ensuring their parents are safe. Make sure the facility has the specialized services your parent needs, says Cohen, such as a dementia unit. If your parent enters the hospital, make sure you have an up-to-date list of all medications and non-prescription supplements your loved one is currently taking.

9. Quantity While you can control the number of children you have, it is not as easy to control the numbers of elders you will be charged with caring for during your lifetime. With families extending through divorce and re-marriage, one person may care for as many as eight elders – including parents, in-laws and step-parents.

10. Work Issues In addition to children of their own, many caregivers also have full-time jobs. Juggling responsibilities is tough. As the population increases, employees who are caring for elderly parents has become a productivity issues. As a result, employers are becoming more aware of the need for eldercare provisions and benefits for their employees. There is a long way to go in this area, but inquire with you and your spouse’s employer regarding elder care benefits. “Being a caregiver is tough,” Cohen says. “Being prepared, informed and organized can make the task a little easier.”