Holiday Family Gatherings: A Time for Enjoyment & Meaningful Discussions

Once again we’re preparing for families to come together over the holiday season. We long to see how our seniors are doing, especially those who are far away from us and living independently.

Are they ok? Have they been eating well? Is the house in good repair? Are they paying all the bills on time? Have they been keeping things from us?

Hopefully, during our visit with them to celebrate a time of family sharing we will be able to observe them for any signs that they need a little bit more help. There are many things we should be on the lookout for in their home, their own health and appearance, the car, the home and the yard.

Another important thing we should do while we are visiting our senior loved ones is talk.

“Talk about what specifically,” you ask?

Serious Discussions with Parents & Other Senior Loved Ones

We might find some discussions hard to begin and others may be taboo in your family or culture. Unfortunately, once your parents reach a certain age (and you as well) it is recommended that these uncomfortable discussions happen and the answers clearly brought out into the open.

Whether you want to or not, some things are just better to know.

  1. Do they have any advance directives? Is there a living will created about which you should know? What are their wishes for end of life care? Do they have a DNR or a healthcare proxy to speak for them if they can’t? It is important to hear directly from them what they anticipate their end of life to be. What if they get into an accident or have a medical emergency? If you don’t talk openly about this eventuality it will be more difficult, especially if you are at a long distance, to make decisions in an emergency without prior knowledge. Do they have burial plans already?
  2. If they have executed these documents, where are they kept? Can you get a copy? Does the doctor know about them and do they have a copy on file? Do they need to be updated?
  3. If they don’t have them created, can you do this during your visit so all their wishes are documented in case of an emergency? Now is a good time to get important documents executed while you are there to get the necessary information. These decisions must be made before your senior is no longer competent to make his wishes known legally.
  4. Do they have a will? Who is the executor? Where is the will kept – who is the attorney? Where are the contact numbers for lawyers, doctors, and other people if you need them?
  5. Are they still competent to drive safely? Has the car been damaged since your last visit? Take a ride as a passenger to test them, even if it is without them knowing your purpose for going for an ice cream cone together.
  6. Are they declining in functional status? Does it look like they are having difficulty keeping themselves neat and tidy? Are their clothes clean and in good repair? Are they shaving? Do they have unexplained bruises? Are they appearing thin or weak? Are they having trouble balancing themselves when they walk or get up from sitting? Do they need more help?
  7. Is their home still adequate to age in place? Is it where they want to be or would they rather come closer to you, go to a senior living area or move to a smaller home that is easier to care for alone? Some seniors enjoy living in an assisted living facility where they have less responsibility and more opportunity for social engagement. Is their current home accessible to transportation services if they can no longer drive? Is their home in good repair with adequate safety modifications to prevent accidents? Can you work on some modifications while you visit and schedule other more involved upgrades for when you are not there?
  8. Are they depressed or isolated? Some seniors choose to stay home and reduce their visits to places, people and events that they once frequented for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they are afraid to drive, don’t want to go alone, can’t leave the house for too long for fear of needing a restroom quickly, or have side effects of medications that keep them from being active. Seniors need to be social, mentally stimulated and engaged to prevent boredom and loneliness. It might be a good time to get them reconnected, take them to the senior center and arrange transportation if necessary. Find things for them to be active and involved from home. Set up some technology and teach them to use it so they can use social media, Skype or Facetime to engage with distant family and friends.
  9. What about their finances? Do they have enough money to meet their needs? Are they paying their bills? Do they have a supplemental insurance policy or long term care policy which you should be aware? Are they struggling to make ends meet? Are they getting the benefit of all — well — benefits to which they are entitled?

~by Kathy Birkett

Assistance is offered with Raleigh Geriatric Care Management in North Carolina www.rgcmgmt.com to help you and your aging loved ones navigate the myriad of senior resources and services.  lwatral@rgcmgmt.com for more information. 

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