Category Archives: employee stress

Leaving Your Loved One Home Alone

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If it has not already been debated, the possibility of leaving your loved one alone in your home is certainly bound to occur. You will no doubt have many questions to ponder as you decide upon the prospects of leaving them such as, will they attempt to go outside?, will they hurt themselves?, or will they need emergency assistance? This difficult question involves you the caregiver, and your loved one, who was once an independent person. The both of you will usually disagree with the situation, as it is normal for caregivers to feel their loved one cannot be alone, while they believe they are fine and healthy enough to be alone for how ever long. Asking other family members, health care professionals, and other caregivers for advice will go a long way to determining the likelihood of their safety being jeopardized when left alone. Some other important questions to consider before leaving them alone for the first time, or if you are questioning whether they are able to stay alone any longer include:

  • Are they capable of calling 911 or neighbors if an emergency occurs?

  • Can they distinguish friends and family from strangers if they are faced with answering the door or having someone enter the home?

  • If they are hungry, can they prepare and eat a meal without your assistance?

  • Is it easy for them to use the bathroom without your help, or do they require aid every time. Are there any other plans in place if they are not able to go to the bathroom without your help?

  • How does their behavior and temperament change from when you leave to when you return? Do they appear angered or scared at the first sign of you leaving the house?

  • In case of emergency are they able to leave the home and seek shelter outside?

  • Are they aware of smoke alarms and unusual noises, which may trigger danger, or are they likely to overlook all such noises?

  • Do they suffer from Alzheimer�s or dementia, and if so are they likely to wander off and get lost easily?

  • Are they routinely experiencing emergencies, which places their life in jeopardy? Do they suffer from epilepsy, or shortness of breath that may need to be monitored all the time?

  • Do they get lonely easily and feel deserted at the slightest moment of your absence?

  • Can they be destructive at times of stress and sickness and cause damage to themselves and your home in the process?

Depending on your answers to these questions, your decision on the possibility of leaving your loved one home alone should be clearer. If your answers gave you a sense of dissatisfaction, it is in your best interest to find assistance through a family member or home care aide who can stay with them while you are gone. But if the answers to the questions were comforting, you may still be able to leave your loved one alone, although you must regularly check up on their progress to ensure their safety in the future. This is certainly not an easy situation for all involved, but understand your own feelings and be strong-minded when making the most sensible and safe decision for all involved.

Contact Raleigh Geriatric Care Management to speak with a Certified Aging Life Care Professional™ for a no cost 15 minute telephonic consultation.    www.rgcmgmt.com

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Holiday Help: Relieving Caregivers’ Stress

by, Cheryl Smith, Caregiver.com

Who doesn’t feel overwhelmed sometimes by the bustle of the holiday season? Add to that the responsibility of caring for a frail elderly loved one, and burnout is simply a concept waiting to become reality. But wait. If you’re one of the 22 million households providing care for a family member or friend, there is hope. Stress doesn’t have to take the starring role in your family festivities this year.

If you’re like the increasing number of Americans who are trying to offer a sense of dignity to your parent(s), include them in seasonal events and help them stay in their own home, safety is your number one priority.

Most accidents happen at home in unsupervised situations. This season, enlist the help of older children or a spouse, playing games with (Great) Grandma and (Great) Grandpa while you change beds, do the laundry and other chores. Instead of decorating to the hilt, keep holiday décor simple. Eliminate the need for extension cords on the floor and “declutter” your notion of decoration: use colorful paper garlands strung high instead of breakable objects placed within reach. Remove anything a child or a frail elderly person may stumble over. Replace candles with bright centerpieces of fruit or flowers. Keep candy to an absolute minimum to prevent sugar highs and lows.

With the emphasis on “good cheer” during the month of December, the options are many. But don’t wear yourself out trying to make the holidays “happen” for everyone. If you don’t get yourself in a situation where you “overdo” you’ll be more alert to hazards—even emotional ones. Holidays bring emotions to the surface because they hold the most intense memories for your loved ones, and some may not be pleasant. You may find that tears fall for no apparent reason, or that a frail elderly parent suddenly seems gruff or annoyed just when you think everything is fine. Sometimes, the emotional stress of the season makes a frail aging parent seem distant, just when you want to draw them close. We never know what precipitates these reactions; we only have to deal with them. That’s not an easy task, but first and foremost, a caregiver must keep her own emotional balance.

Set a few guidelines as to what you expect from yourself. From the very start, set your intention to be positive during the holidays, and to respond with calmness to upsetting scenarios. Sure, things may come to the boiling point at times, but the resolve not to react in like manner will bring the most effective results. People don’t intend to be grumpy, distant or to give you a hard time. These behaviors may simply be a way of asking for help. The best way to give it is by remaining patient, offering consistent encouragement, and setting safe boundaries.

You cannot make everyone happy at all times, but you can take responsibility for your own emotional highs and lows. Preserve a few moments each day all for yourself. Take a half-hour break while your children entertain the frail elderly with Christmas music from the 30s, 40s and 50s or interview their grandparents about favorite holiday memories. You might enlist the services of a home-help organization to do some of the household chores while you go grocery shopping or simply take a walk. Professional caregivers can also help alert you to signs of stress or special needs that you might not recognize on a day-to-day basis, curtailing accidents or emotional spills.

Keep in mind that a frail person may tire more easily during the holiday season, need more sleep as the days grow shorter, and also need their own “space.” Ask for their help; ask them to let you know what they need and how they want to celebrate. Their answers may surprise you. Above all, an older frail person may crave our respect and our admiration. When we praise the good things they’ve accomplished in life, make certain they know that we appreciate their legacy, and tell them we’re happy they’re with us, things will be a lot easier. If they seem only to complain more, well, just grease the wheel with a little praise for yourself. Send positive messages to yourself out loud and mix in a few more affirmations for them.

The holidays are a great time to slow down instead of speed up. Think about all the things you can let remain undone instead of all the things you need to do. Give yourself a challenge to match the tempo of your frail elderly relatives or friends, and see if you don’t enjoy the season more. And after all, isn’t that what the holiday season is all about?

Contact Raleigh Geriatric Care Management for a 15 minute no cost telephonic consultation:  919-803-8025.  www.rgcmgmt.com

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Considerations for Caregivers

By Arthur N. Gottlieb

Caregiving is not for everyone. Remember, it’s not about you. If the relationship is too emotionally charged or patience is not your best virtue, find someone else to take over the primary role of caregiver.

It is important to reflect upon your motivations for being a caregiver and to make an honest assessment of your limitations.

As a caregiver you may at times feel powerless and sad. But an experience laden with difficulty may also provide opportunities to strengthen relationships with loved ones, and for the development of one’s own personal and spiritual growth.

About Visits
Focus on the quality of interactions with a loved one, not on the quantity.

Consistency and predictability of visitations are important, especially for the homebound.

Communication Skills
Learn the healer’s art of “bearing witness.” This means listening empathically and suppressing the urge to intervene with solutions.

When speaking to someone in bed or in a wheelchair, sit down or otherwise lower yourself so that you are at the same eye level as they are. This will distinguish you from others who remain standing, essentially looking and speaking down to them with the unspoken but inherent power differential this implies.

Choose your battles wisely. Attempting to address an irrational situation with rationality is generally futile, and will increase conflict with no resolution

The hearing impaired are often too prideful to admit that they haven’t heard most of what you just said, and are hopeful that they can eventually figure it out.

Those with mild cognitive impairment are still quite capable of comprehension, but the thought process may have slowed down a little. Be patient and speak slowly.

Restoring Dignity
Asking for a senior’s opinion about a non-provocative issue may offer them an opportunity to feel respected and still relevant.

At the dinner table when others are present, if a person needs to have their food cut for them, discreetly take the plate back into the kitchen and cut it there. This will add an unspoken but important element of dignity for those being cared for.

Residential and Financial Concerns
The attitudes and behaviors of many seniors are oftentimes driven by an unspoken fear of abandonment.

When parents do not feel that their children have made wise decisions for themselves, they are naturally hesitant to turn over financial control to them.

It was not uncommon for senior women to have deferred to their husbands’ judgment when choices were being made about financial and property issues. If now widowed, they may feel more comfortable acting in accordance with someone else’s say-so for important decision-making.

It may be illuminating to discover what memories a senior has of his or her own parent’s convalescence. What would they, as caregivers, have done differently? Had they promised themselves they would never go to a “nursing home”?

When a senior is facing the prospect of moving to a continuing care or assisted living community, speak to them about what they think this will be like. Many will have a stark vision of facilities from many years ago when options were relatively limited.

About Moodiness
Seniors will experience good days and bad days due to effects of pain, adjustment to medications and or emotional issues.

Seniors who seem short-tempered may be responding to the frustrating lack of control of not being able to think as quickly, and remember as well, as they once had.

Psychology of Seniors
Understand and be prepared to recognize the issues that trigger depression and anxiety for seniors.

Be sensitive to anniversary depressions. Birthdays, anniversaries, and major holidays evoke memories of those who have passed, and independence lost.

For most, losing control of physical functioning is difficult. Experiencing the steady loss of friends and relatives leads to sadness and isolation. For those with dementia, witnessing the gradual loss of one’s own self can be the ultimate loneliness.

If a senior is grieving the loss of a loved one they think died yesterday, even if that person actually died years ago, their grief will be as deep and painful as though it just happened.  This is legitimate suffering and must be handled with empathy.

Oftentimes, a parent will have a set of expectations of how they deserve to be treated by their children based on the sacrifices they made on behalf of their own parents. When children do not meet these expectations, resentment, depression and various forms of acting out behavior are the result.

Some seniors harbor lifelong prejudices that were carefully concealed. It can be quite distressing for a caregiver to discover that their parent has “all of a sudden” developed a shocking taste for racial bias. The gradual loss of mental functioning allows one to become “dis-inhibited”; thoughts, formerly suppressed due to social constraints, are now out in the open. This applies for latent sexual desires as well, especially for men.

Denial
If the person you are caring for continually puts off medical diagnosis, they are using the defense of denial in the service of their fear. If they are never diagnosed, then they never have to face the reality of being sick.

For Senior Men
More often than not, senior men went along with the social arrangements made by their wives. If a man becomes a widower, he may feel out of place socializing with others on his own. Additionally, since women outnumber men of this age group, a man may feel he is betraying the memory of his wife when engaging in social situations involving mostly women.

Religion and Spirituality
It is important to understand what a person’s religious or spiritual beliefs are. Does he or she believe in an afterlife? Are they concerned over what is in store for them when their mortal life ends? Are they disillusioned  or angry with God?

Restore and Maintain Balance
It is essential for you, as a caregiver, to leave time for your own introspection and emotional balance. Engage in activities that serve to cleanse toxins and stress from the body and spirit.

Engage the help of others when necessary to de-stress and achieve perspective.

Rest and relaxation are critical in order to prevent “caregiver burnout.”

Raleigh Geriatric Care Management Aging Life Care Professional  www.rgcmgmt.com

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Geriatric Care Manager—>Aging Life Care Professional

WHAT IS AN AGING LIFE CARE PROFESSIONAL?

An Aging Life Care Professional, also known as a geriatric care manager, is a health and human services specialist who acts as a guide and advocate for families who are caring for older relatives or disabled adults. The Aging Life Care Professional is educated and experienced in any of several fields related to aging life care / care management, including, but not limited to nursing, gerontology, social work, or psychology, with a specialized focus on issues related to aging and elder care.

The Aging Life Care Professional assists clients in attaining their maximum functional potential. The individual’s independence is encouraged, while safety and security concerns are also addressed. Aging Life Care Professionals are able to address a broad range of issues related to the well-being of their client. They also have extensive knowledge about the costs, quality, and availability of resources in their communities.

Aging Life Care Professionals become the “coach” and families or clients the “team captain,” giving families the time to focus on relationships rather than the stress. In Raleigh, Durham, and surrounding area, contact Raleigh Geriatric Care Management, an Aging Life Care member.


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Are You the Middle of a Triple Decker Sandwich?

Kathy Birkett, Senior Care Corner

Many baby boomers have grown to think of themselves as part of what has been termed the “sandwich generation”, caring for their aging parents or grandparents and their children at the same time. Calling that simply a sandwich overlooks a very important part of the equation, unfortunately the same part many boomers overlook — yourself.

Sharing information about the Triple Decker Sandwich Generation is an attempt to get boomer caregivers to realize the portion of the sandwich in the middle needs care as well. So often we find family caregivers putting their own needs on hold to address the sometime overwhelming needs of their children and senior loved ones.

No one in the multiple layers of the sandwich benefit when a caregiver ignores her or his own needs to focus totally on the needs of others. For some reason, though, we have been taught to feel like we’re being selfish when we think of ourselves. Just the opposite is true however.  When we take time to take care of ourselves, we put ourselves in a better position to give our best to others.

What happens when you shove your needs aside for too long? There are many reports of stress related disease and depression among boomer caregivers. Certainly being the middle “deck” of the sandwich can contribute to that. Focusing on the health care needs of others but ignoring your own can have serious consequences, especially for those entering a time in their lives where medical visits should be growing more – rather than less – frequent.

Being a Caregiver to Yourself

Taking care of that middle deck of the sandwich doesn’t mean simply looking after yourself, but those aspects of your life that are also necessary to your well being.

  • caring for a relationship with a spouse, partner or friends who help complete your life
  • putting appropriate focus on the job that provides the income needed to support the other aspects of your life (and hopefully some fulfillment)
  • hobbies, sports or other activities that let you get away from the rest of your life for a while
  • anything other aspect of your life that is important to you and allows you to decompress

The first step in caring for the middle deck of your family sandwich is to recognize that you and your needs are important and need to be met. Take some time for yourself and think about those needs putting plans in place to address them, just as you do to meet the needs of your children and senior loved ones for whom you care.

How do you care for yourself and your needs when it already feels like there are too few hours in each day? Can you substitute technology for some of the effort you put in already? There are a growing numbers of devices and programs that bright people have developed to meet the needs of people like you. There might just be an app for that!

In order to fully care for yourself to care for your family, you have to give yourself permission to put yourself in the sandwich instead of on the side of the plate. Some days will be harder than others to find time for your needs, but don’t give up. You will feel stronger when you have met your needs and be more able to be a loving and competent caregiver to the rest of the sandwich layers in your life.

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Caregiver Burnout

By Dr. M. Ross Seligson

Being able to cope with the strains and stresses of being a Caregiver is part of the art of Caregiving In order to remain healthy so that we can continue to be Caregivers, we must be able to see our own limitations and learn to care for ourselves as well as others.

It is important for all of us to make the effort to recognize the signs of burnout, In order to do this we must be honest and willing to hear feedback from those around us. This is especially important for those caring for family or friends. Too often Caregivers who are not closely associated with the healthcare profession get overlooked and lost in the commotion of medical emergencies and procedures. Otherwise close friends begin to grow distant, and eventually the Caregiver is alone without a support structure. We must allow those who do care for us, who are interested enough to say something, to tell us about our behavior, a noticed decrease in energy or mood changes.

Burnout isn’t like a cold. You don’t always notice it when you are in its clutches. Very much like Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, the symptoms of burnout can begin surfacing months after a traumatic episode. The following are symptoms we might notice in ourselves, or others might say they see in us. Think about what is being said, and consider the possibility of burnout.

  • Feelings of depression.
  • A sense of ongoing and constant fatigue.
  • Decreasing interest in work.
  • Decrease in work production.
  • Withdrawal from social contacts.
  • Increase in use of stimulants and alcohol.
  • Increasing fear of death.
  • Change in eating patterns.
  • Feelings of helplessness.

Strategies to ward off or cope with burnout are important. To counteract burnout, the following specific strategies are recommended

  • Participate in a support network.
  • Consult with professionals to explore burnout issues.
  • Attend a support group to receive feedback and coping strategies.
  • Vary the focus of caregiving responsibilities if possible (rotate responsibilities with family members).
  • Exercise daily and maintain a healthy diet.
  • Establish “quiet time” for meditation.
  • Get a weekly massage
  • Stay involved in hobbies.

By acknowledging the reality that being a Caregiver is filled with stress and anxiety, and understanding the potential for burnout, Caregivers can be forewarned and guard against this debilitating condition. As much as it is said, it can still not be said too often, the best way to be an effective Caregiver is to take care of yourself.

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Laughter is the Best Medicine

By  Helen Hunter, ACSW, LSW

When was the last time you had a really good laugh?

The scientific definition of laughing is a “successive, rhythmic, spasmodic expiration with open glottis and vibration of the vocal cords, often accompanied by baring of the teeth and facial expression”. That doesn’t begin to tell the story of what laughing does for us, however. The bottom line is that laughing is medically beneficial.

Laughter establishes or restores a positive emotional climate and a sense of connection between two people. In fact, some researchers believe that the major function of laughter is to bring people together – the more social a person is and the more social support a person receives, the more likely that laughter will result from that social connection. Mutual laughter and play are an essential component of strong, healthy relationships. By making a conscious effort to incorporate more humor and play into your daily interactions, you can improve the quality of your relationships.

What are the Physical Effects of Laughing?

Laughing makes people feel good for a reason. Studies have shown that laughter boosts the immune system and triggers the release of pleasure-inducing neurochemicals in the brain. The immune system, which contains special cells that are responsible for defending the body against infection, have been shown to increase during the act of laughing. In the central nervous system, the brain releases powerful endorphins as a result of laughing. Endorphins are natural, morphine-like compounds that raise the pain threshold, produce sedation and induce euphoria (commonly called a “natural high”). In other words, we feel better when we laugh because endorphins reduce physical and mental pain. While this may be a wonderful feeling, laughing has other benefits as well:

During a laugh, respiration, heart rate and blood pressure temporarily rise. This causes oxygen to surge through the bloodstream that then results in lower blood pressure.

Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

Laughter reduces pain and allows toleration of discomfort.

Laughter reduces blood sugar levels, increasing glucose tolerance in diabetics and non-diabetics alike.

Laughter relaxes the whole body, relieving tension and stress. It has been shown that following a good, hearty laugh, muscles in the body are relaxed for up to 45 minutes afterward.

Laughing burns calories – laughter is sometimes referred to as “inner jogging”. A hearty laugh gives the muscles of the face, chest, shoulders, stomach and diaphragm a good workout.

Laughter also helps to create a positive mood. It allows the expression of happiness and the release of anxiety. Humor eases tension and is a great antidote to a stressful situation. Laughter is often seen as a temporary vacation from everyday problems, bringing us to a paradise in which worries do not exist. Humor and laughter are natural safety valves that shut off certain hormones that are released during stressful situations. In fact, your sense of humor is one of the most powerful tools you have to make certain that your daily mood and emotional state support good health.

Here are some ways to bring more humor and laughter into your life:

Smile: Smiling is the beginning of laughter. Like laughter, it’s contagious. When you look at someone or see something even mildly pleasing, practice smiling!

Count your blessings: Literally make a list. The simple act of considering the good things in your life will distance you from negative thoughts that are a barrier to humor and laughter!

When you hear laughter, move toward it: People are very happy to share something funny because it gives them an opportunity to laugh again and feel the humor in it. When individuals hear laughter, they seek it out and ask “What’s funny?”

Spend time with fun, playful people: These are people who laugh easily, both at themselves and at life’s absurdities and who routinely find humor in everyday events. Their playful point of view and laughter are contagious!!

Bring humor into conversations: Ask people: What’s the funniest thing that happened to you today? This week? In your life?

Laugh at yourself: Share your embarrassing moments.

Attempt to laugh at situations rather than bemoan them: Look for the humor in a bad situation, the irony and absurdity of life. This will help improve your mood and the mood of those around you.

Surround yourself with reminders to lighten up: Keep a toy on your desk or in your car. Put up a funny poster in your office. Choose a computer screensaver that makes you laugh. Frame photos of you and your family having fun.

Keep things in perspective: Many things are beyond our control, so make the best of a situation and find the positive in the situation.

Deal with stress: Stress is major impediment to humor and laughter.

Pay attention to children and emulate them: They are the experts on playing, taking life lightly and laughing!!

Here is a simple prescription for a healthy life:

Thirty minutes of exercise at least 3 times a week, and 15 minutes of laughter on a daily basis!!

The bottom line – laughter may just be the best medicine on the market today!

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Who’s Most Likely to Feel Caregiver Stress?

~Paula Spencer Scott

Does caregiving actually cause stress? Some surprising new research says no, the real source of the stress lies within the person, not the situation.

After looking at more than 1,200 female caregiving twins, Peter Vitaliano, professor of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Washington, concluded that how stressful caregiving is for you psychologically is more a matter of your genes and your upbringing. Caregiving itself does not cause stress, he says. This new study appears in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine.

Who’s most at risk, according to this research? People who:

  • Have a history of depression. “Like putting salt in a wound,” says Vitaliano.
  • Grew up with parents who showed a lot of avoidance and fear in response to big stressors (like losing a job).
  • Lack resources to help them cope, like social support and finances.

The study also found that caregiving can cause anxiety, which is in turn linked to depression.

This all may sound like splitting hairs. Though this research confirms Vitaliano’s earlier work debunking a causal connection between caregiving and stress, it flies a bit in the face of many, many other studies that link them. There’s even a name for it: caregiver stress syndrome.

This study didn’t specifically look at Alzheimer’s caregiving, whose duration and unique challenges can wear down even the best-adjusted family member. I wonder, would the results look different?

Bottom line: It doesn’t strike me as terribly helpful to be told your stress is the fault of your genes or your family history. If you’re feeling it, you’re feeling it. It’s nobody’s fault — the real question is what to do about it.

File this info in the nice-to-know category. Then go hide in the bathroom for a little deep breathing, a few bites of dark chocolate, and a wish for some respite time to come your way this week.

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Should You Tell a “Fiblet” to a Parent With Dementia?

From our earliest days we are taught never to lie, especially to our mother or father. However, a recent survey of aging experts reveals that telling a “fiblet” can actually be therapeutic when adult children are faced with telling painful truths to aging parents who have a cognitive impairment such as Alzheimer’s disease.

The National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers (NAPGCM) recently surveyed 285 professional geriatric care managers about the most common and difficult situations faced by families who are helping aging parents. Geriatric care managers help these families deal with some of the most sensitive and challenging issues.

More than 90 percent of the professional geriatric care managers surveyed said they have used or recommended the “fiblet” strategy to relieve stress and anxiety and protect the self-esteem of an elderly person. The situation cited most by experts in the survey as an appropriate and helpful use of a “fiblet” is when a senior is refusing clearly needed care or assistance at their home. For example, telling an aging parent with Alzheimer’s that a paid caregiver is coming to their home for their spouse’s benefit or for another concrete role can help the elder maintain pride and reduce anxiety.

The following were identified by care managers as situations when it can actually be therapeutic to tell a “fiblet” to an aging parent:

  • When they are refusing needed care and assistance at home. Telling them the caregiver is there for their spouse’s benefit or for another concrete role can help them maintain pride and reduce anxiety (identified by 83 percent of those surveyed).
  • When they can no longer safely drive, yet insist on doing so. Telling them their car is in the shop getting repaired can reduce confrontations (68 percent).
  • When knowing the cost of in-home care prevents them from accepting the needed service (68 percent).
  • When it would only cause worry and stress to tell them about family problems they can’t solve, e.g., unemployment, financial upheaval, divorce, drug abuse, incarceration (64 percent).

According to the National Institutes of Health, as many as 5 million of the 43 million Americans age 65 and older may have Alzheimer’s disease, and another 1.8 million people have some other form of dementia. Americans feel increasingly challenged by the need to communicate difficult information to aging family members with dementia.

“A therapeutic ‘fiblet’ is just that—it is therapeutic because it calms and reassures, reduces anxiety and protects self-esteem,” said NAPGCM President Emily Saltz. She added, “You would use a ‘fiblet’ only with parents who have a cognitive impairment such as Alzheimer’s disease.”

Geriatric Care Managers Share Their Experiences

As part of the survey, geriatric care managers were asked to provide comments about their own experiences in recommending the use of a “fiblet.” A universal theme of the comments was that family members should navigate this clearly delicate area with help from a support group or from an experienced professional care manager. Care managers also stressed that one should only use a “fiblet” to protect and support a family member rather than for personal benefit or gain.

The following are from among more than 200 stories collected through the survey about geriatric care managers’ experiences of using a “fiblet” in the course of their practices:

  • “I’ve used therapeutic ‘fiblets’ in many instances, but probably (most often) when the death of a loved one is beyond a person’s capacity to understand. For example, if a person is looking for a deceased loved one, I tell them that I haven’t seen that person today but when I do, I’ll tell them that the person is looking for them. This serves to validate their experience and provide reassurance that someone cares.”
  • “When an adult son was diagnosed with cancer, the decision was made to not inform his frail, memory-impaired nursing home-bound father of the diagnosis. At the same time, the son increased his visits to his father during treatment, as he had more free time available for visits. The son and father enjoyed more time together without stressing the father with a scary diagnosis.”
  • “A client wanted to see their mother who had passed away many years ago. Instead of telling her that her mother had died and causing her to grieve again, we told her she was out and would return later. She accepted that and went on with her day.”

Source: The National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers (NAPGCM). NAPGCM was formed in 1985 to advance dignified care for older adults and their families. Geriatric care managers are professionals who have extensive training and experience working with older people, people with disabilities and families who need assistance with caregiving issues. For more information, visit http://www.caremanager.org. –

Raleigh Geriatric Care Management in Raleigh, NC  www.rgcmgmt.com

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Spouses Who are Caregivers

Family caregivers usually are fulfilled by their choice in life to provide much needed care for a loved one who needs that care.

Often we begin caring for our children and then seem to naturally progress to our parents, grandparents or in-laws who may have entered a phase where some level of care from others is required.

It may be something that begins in a small way, such as bringing them food now and then or helping with things around the house. It can quickly progress to more and more tasks and supervision, all the way up to hands on care.

Sometimes, despite all our care and best efforts, it becomes necessary to transition our loved ones in a facility where they can receive more skilled care than we can provide.

Aging in place is a goal for most of us and our senior loved ones and we as caregivers try to do everything we can possibly do to help them make this dream a reality. We will help them create the right living environment with simple modifications and big renovations or even finding a more appropriate home in which to age in place.

Caregivers’ Challenges

Unfortunately, every day is not always the best day. There will be harder days than others, crises that arise along the way including injury and hospitalization. Let’s not forget the occasional (or all too frequent) disagreement about even the littlest thing that soon gets smoothed over when we remember why we are all together.

Caregiver burnout is a reality that we all face. Getting an extra hand, recognizing that we can’t do it all by ourselves day in and day out, can help. Finding respite when you can and an outlet for your feelings will help you be a caregiver longer and better.

I recently came across an interesting poll that found caregiver stress has increased from an interesting source.

Caregivers Who Are Spouses

The Associated Press – NORC Center for Public Affairs Research recently published the results of a recent poll that asked approximately 1400 family caregivers questions resulting in some surprising answers.

They found that most Americans are counting on their families to provide care for them as they age, as they have been doing themselves for other relatives or friends. Unfortunately, not many of us are planning well for our own long term care. We can readily tell you where and how we want our funeral to happen and probably have already made plans and payments for that but we can’t tell you about our goals for day to day care before that happens.

We can’t talk about what kind of a facility we might consider, where we would want to get help, what our care wishes would be, and more importantly have probably not executed any advance directives stipulating our wishes.

This poll found that eight out of ten people found caregiving to be a positive experience but one that is also extremely difficult.

The most stress is being reported by spouses who are now caregivers — not children providing care to parents or grandparents as might be thought. Spouses did promise to care for each other in sickness and in health but find this promise to be stressful to deliver.

Struggling Spouses

Spouses express the struggle that they experience when their relationship changes from companion to caregiver. They deal with not only stress but anger and frustration. It can be hard when hands-on care over grooming, feeding, wound care and other duties are taken on that were once done by nurses now are their responsibility.

While some spousal caregivers report that their marriage is strengthened by their caregiving commitment, which is a welcome outcome in the face of other stressors, spouses were more likely to report that caregiving weakened their relationship with their partner and placed an added burden on their finances.

It is reported that only about 30 percent of those over 40 who may be likely to care for a loved one in the next five years feel prepared to do so. Spouses tend to be older caregivers than those caring for parents and that could make the caregiving more physically challenging as well. The average age of a spousal caregiver is 67, compared to 58 for those caring for parents.

How to Identify and Overcome Caregiver Stress

If you begin to recognize signs that you are having what could be an overwhelming amount of stress that could be harming your health or ability to care for your spouse then it is time to take action.

  • Recognize signs of stress – being tired all the time, having difficulty sleeping, feeling unappreciated with no one to talk to or care about you, feeling depressed or hopeless, not ever feeling like there is a good day, feeling like your own life is not worth living, being ill yourself, crying often or you begin isolating yourself from others.
  • Begin taking time for yourself – sometimes you need to call someone to give you an hour, an afternoon, a day or a weekend off. There are people you can call, such as family members, volunteers from faith based organizations, organizations, home health agencies or friends. Just being alone, taking a breather, shopping, lunch with a friend, sleeping late or seeing a movie can mean a lot to your personal and emotional well-being.
  • Get a medical checkup – schedule a doctor visit for yourself. Get your preventive health checkup or immunizations to help keep you well. You can’t help others if you are not well.
  • Talk to someone – go to a support group locally or online, talk with a member of the clergy, find a friend, or keep a journal so that you can express your feelings and allow yourself to move on past those feelings.

Being a caregiver whether to your spouse, mother, aunt or grandfather not to mention caring for your own children and household will always cause moments of stress. Remember the importance of what you do every day. You are right where you are supposed to be!

Being able to recognize, though, that burnout might be lurking but you can overcome it in order to be the best caregiver possible is the first step in staying well. One smile is all the thanks you need to provide the love and care your spouse or family member needs.

Raleigh Geriatric Care Management in Raleigh, NC  www.rgcmgmt.com

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